


A Case For The Defense

by cookiemom6067



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode: s05e13 Inquisition, Gen, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 07:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6070480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cookiemom6067/pseuds/cookiemom6067
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John always tried to present a good case in his own defense, even if he knew, in his heart of hearts, that<br/>he was wrong.   Written for a Season 5 tagathon on LJ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Case For The Defense

"John, where did this come from?" His mother asked, holding out the pack of gum. "I thought you already spent your allowance." 

Seven-year-old John gulped. "Umm...see....here's what happened, Mommy. I was at Briscoe's drug store and there was this guy, see...and he was, umm...lost. So I told him where, uh, the Post Office was and he gave me the gum because I was so helpful, see?" John gave his mother a winning smile, projecting his complete innocence. Unfortunately, the prosecution didn't buy it. Mommy made him tell Mr. Briscoe that he had swiped the gum.

"Now, John, you know that taking things that don't belong to you is wrong. I'm very disappointed in you and I don't want you to ever do anything like that again." 

John felt the hot prick of tears. He had known that taking the gum was wrong. He just really, really liked Juicy Fruit, and he was out of money. He certainly MEANT to pay Mr. Briscoe back just as SOON as he got his allowance on Wednesday. All the way home, the gum got heavier and heavier in his pocket, and the first piece tasted too sickeningly sweet in his mouth. Truth be told, he was really glad his Mommy found it.

And, he was really, really glad she had made him own up to it.

*******************************

"John!" Tina's voice was loud, even with "Every Which Way But Loose" blaring from the speaker hanging from the window of his Chevy Nova. "You told me you had to go to your Grandma's!" John looked shiftily around at his buddy. Mark just slurped his coke and munched his popcorn, waiting for the fireworks. It looked like Tina's fuse was already lit. 

"Uh, Tina! I didn't know you were going to be here! My Grandma got sick at the last minute and Mom didn't want me to catch whatever she's got, so we didn't, uh, go.." 

"Obviously, John. I am not STUPID, you know.." 

"Tina, baby..I was SURE you already had plans, that's why I decided to come see Clint Eastwood with the guys here... I know you said you wanted to go out tonight, back when I thought I had to go to Grandma's, but you know, that was DAYS ago, and you KNOW I don't expect you to sit at home waiting for me, a popular girl like you..." As he babbled, his inner monologue was going a mile a minute. _Please buy it, please, please, please, please, then go AWAY, now, please, please..._

"I got your Milk Duds, sweet cheeks," a warm contralto voice said from the direction of the concession stand. At the same time, a slim hand ran up the back seam of his Levi's. John thought he would spontaneously combust from shame and mortification. Tina's eyes filled with tears.

"Uh, thanks, Penny. You're a real..pal," John started, feebly.

Tina went from hurt to furious in 2.3 seconds. "I never, ever want to see you again, John Sheppard!" she shouted, storming off to the knot of girls three cars down. As bad as he felt, the pain wasn't over.

"I thought you said you broke up with her," Penny said, her tone low and deadly. "You know I would never have agreed to go out with you if you had a girlfriend. I am not some kind of slut, John. How dare you cheat on Tina with me! You are just a..a..snake in the grass and you can go straight to hell!" The jumbo box of Milk Duds hit him right in the chest as Penny turned on her heel and flounced off, Mark's solicitous date in tow.

Mark unfolded himself from the passenger seat of the Nova and offered John the popcorn. "Man, John, you sure know how to show a lady a good time. You are some kinda player, Dude." Mark didn't sound admiring in the least. John was sure that if they weren't best friends, Mark would have joined the girls in leaving John to enjoy his movie all by his lonesome. John wouldn't have blamed him if he had. In fact, he wouldn't mind ol' Clint Eastwood using HIM for a punching bag right about now.

*******************************

When the door to John's quarters chimed, he hadn't been expecting Radek Zelenka. "Hey, Radek. What brings you here?" John let the engineer in, gesturing to the desk chair.

Radek took the chair, but he didn't relax. "Colonel, you know I talked to Rodney."

The sound of the physicist's name filled John with fresh fury. "Yes, I know. He told me he apologized. As well he should have."

Radek looked down at his folded hands. "Yes, it seemed very heartfelt. I have never seen Rodney like that. He seemed very ashamed of what he had said.."

"Yes. He's been known to be sorry when he's caught being thoughtless, but he never stops to think first, when there wouldn't be anything to apologize for. But it wasn't just thoughtlessness, Radek. You know damn well it wasn't. His arrogance went way too far this time. He didn't just say awful things to you, he blew up most of a solar system and almost got us both killed. If it weren't for Caldwell, I wouldn't be standing here." John was just getting started. "And he has the nerve to offer a feeble 'I'd hate to think I'd done anything to dim your faith in me' sort of apology! Like my FEELINGS for him are the most important thing!"

Radek raised his hand in a calming motion. "Colonel, I do not think you understand how important your good opinion is to Rodney. You may very well be the only person in recent years that he truly..."

"Radek! That is not the point! I put myself on the line for him, in every way. I went up against Elizabeth, you.."

"Colonel," Radek said with a sigh. "If Arcturus had worked, we would not be having this discussion. It is not Rodney's fault that it didn't work..." 

"It was his fault that he wouldn't listen to anyone else, that he went off half cocked, that he dismissed your entirely correct objections and accused you of professional jealousy. And it was his fault that we nearly didn't escape with our lives." John sighed, scrubbing his hands through his hair. Radek did have a point. Had John been just as blinded by the potential upside? Had Rodney really deserved the rebuff that John had served up at the transporter? His mind's eye conjured up his last view of Rodney, blue eyes filled with pain, proud shoulders slumped. He could almost feel the smirk he had delivered along with a condescending promise that Rodney could earn his trust back if he really "wanted to try."  
  
Rodney deserved blame for arrogance, sure. And John had a right to be mad, damn it! But did Rodney deserve John's extra dose of..whatever it was?

Humiliation, his conscience supplied, helpfully.

Righteous indignation, he defensively shot back.

He had nagging doubts about how he had treated Rodney. He wasn't sure he had done the right thing. Unfortunately, his moral dilemmas weren't as cut and dried as they had been when he was a kid. Nor were they as easily resolved. He couldn't just deliver a quarter and an apology to a druggist to make it all better. This wasn't a pack of Juicy Fruit.  
  
It is a natural reaction to want to defend yourself, even when you know you're wrong.

*******************************

John faced the council, feeling wrong-footed. He had expected an easy but boring meet and greet and eat with the natives mission, and now he was surrounded by armed guards, standing in what could only be called a prisoner dock. He didn't see anything that led him to believe that justice or due process was on tap. There was no defense attorney, no judge; there were only three strangers fixing him with identical accusing stares. There wasn't even a press box.

"According to our calculations, the Atlantis expedition is responsible, directly or indirectly, for the deaths of over 2 million people in this galaxy."

And just like that, he went from feeling wrong-footed to feeling indignation. "You've got to be kidding me." Aside from disputing their math, what about all the good they had done, all the good they had tried to do?

The council's spokesman went on. "Tell us of your first encounter with the wraith." 

"Oh, OK. I see where this is going." As moral dilemmas went, the waking of the wraith was always one that burned with the awareness that many thousands of people would not have been culled if not for his personal, direct action in killing the wraith caretakers. Not a day went by that did not see him dwelling, at least in part, on what he had done and how he could have done it differently.  
  
John had done a lot of really crappy things in his life. He still felt guilty about a lot of them, and none more than waking the wraith. But even he, well-developed sense of guilt and all, had to admit that waking the wraith was an accident, a consequence of ignorance and not negligence.

He had spent 5 long years trying to contain the damage, doing everything in his power to stop the wraith. Sometimes he and Atlantis succeeded and sometimes they didn't, but he never stopped trying and he never stopped feeling guilty about the failures.

John opened his mouth to defend himself and his friends and colleagues. 

He only hoped he could make it really good.

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on my Tumblr - [cookiemom6067](http://cookiemom6067.tumblr.com)


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